So how do you move on with someone you never had?
It was one beautiful morning of May when I first chance upon his face and I knew right there and then, he is the one. I don’t believe in love at first sight, I know that love doesn’t just happen in a flash…and it wasn’t love at first sight with him, I know. I’ve seen him somewhere, in my past, in my fantasies, in one of those silent night’s dreams. Seeing his face on that day was a dream come true. I wasn’t looking for love that day, that was something I was sure about but what I failed to realize is that it’s when you don’t look for it that love finds you. It was one of the happiest days of my life, set on a perfect place…
Well, he is a small town guy and I came from the big city. His accent was quite noticeable as well as my tendency to speak the foreign language most of the times. He only talks when he is being asked while I talk so that someone will ask. He rarely smiles but when he does, swear it could break hearts. He is a simple man with a simple job, enjoying the joys of simple living…My world is so much different from him, the city has made me into someone who loves to complicate things and to always talk fast, live fast, love fast and..learn fast. He takes his time while I make the time. He wasn’t my type at all. His job doesn’t require him to wear coat and tie, his feet aren’t that groomed and he has rough hands too by the way (I’ve always liked guys with good hands).. Either he doesn’t look well with his sense of fashion or I am just so accustomed to the guys I see in the office where dress up policy is followed. In short, he was the typical probinsyano guy who knows everyone he meets along the road, who doesn’t care if he is just wearing an old plain shirt when he has visitors from the big city to attend to..who doesn’t mind getting his feet muddy along the way..
But I like him. I like him even without all the expectations I’ve set for a guy. I like the way he ignores all my jokes, (either he doesn’t get the joke or he doesn’t find it funny…) (Which by the way, others laugh with it) I like how he tells me how great it is to witness nature’s beauty, to free myself sometime and get away from the crowded, stressful and fast paced city life and just be here in the arms of nature. (In his arms would have been much better! :P) I like how he thinks about nature and the world. I have always liked for my guy to talk about stock market, business and managerial strategies and the like. I have always looked for him in the faces of the people in the corporate world, guys who wear long sleeves and polo shirts, who wear eyeglasses. But above all, I like how he makes me feel about myself when he’s around. I would not elaborate more on that, words do no justice.(Charot!)
It was the day when I finally told myself, I’m ready to take that chance. I’ve been so hard on myself when it comes to relationships and I must say he is the first guy who, at first instance of meeting, has made myself think about ending up with him. I don’t care if we’re from different worlds and whether he is my type or not. It’s like that dress you wanted to wear so much, a dress that whether you looked for it or not..once you find it hanging in the corner, you know you’ll look good at it and it’ll fit you perfectly. That’s how I felt about him. And just like the dress, you don’t care about the price you have to pay, coz you know it would be worth it.
Things pretty much worked well that day, except that he hasn’t given me a hint at all. I mean, he is single and so am I..and so we are both singles (To emphasize talaga). Maybe I’m just thinking too fast. I know his full name after so many attempts. I finally had him tell me about his job, what course he has finished in college and his relationship. Well, it took a lot of courage for me to ask all of those, hahaha, after all the teasing and “you dare me” moments with my friends that day. Still, he doesnt/didnt show a pinch of interest at all towards me til the day ended, coz he could have asked for my number or he could have asked for my fuLl name so he could look me up on facebook…but he didn’t. So I went home that day with a happy heart because I’ve finally found him and I know where to find him. I also went home that day bothered with so many questions.
To make the long story short and so we could finally answer the first question on this article..he added me up on facebook two days after I met him. (I actually made a sign, that if he’ll add me up on FB he is the one) The second sign that I made was, if he will send me a PM in FB, it means he took one step closer and I’m not gonna let him go just go like that. I had to do the first step. And with first step I mean, I’ll make a move, I won’t just sit in the corner and wait for him to do something. And he did PM me. Don’t ask about what, that wasn’t part of the sign, so not important. HAHAHA. But before I could do something or tell him something, unexpected came up. He changed his profile picture, this time with a girl. I felt a pang in my heart. The “operation first move” was suspended, I had to reassess things, think it over and I have to think hard and fast. (Charot kaayu!)
But then again, before the “operation first move” resumes, he posted something in FB about finally finding the girl of his dreams…and there was a woman tagged in the post. Of course it wasn’t me, (Let’s all be realistic and not fictitiouos here, HAHAHA) To be honest, that ripped my heart. That ripped really hard. It’s when you’re finally ready to take your chance, you’re ready to compromise your world and you’re ready to pay any price it would cost you–all for happiness and, poooooff!, SORRY. Someone has already bought the dress and you could not have it because she’s not selling it because she likes it too and it fits her too. And you’re not jealous of the girl, you’re just too sad for yourself because it could have been the best thing for yourself, it could have made you better and life would be so much better with that dress. So you just back up. And you must back up. You just had to back up.
It wasn’t a love story for us. There was never an ‘us’ in the first place. It was me and him.
So I saw him again today which led me to the question “How do you move on with someone you never had?” As the movie the vow puts it, “How do you look at the one you love and tell yourself it’s time to walk away?” I’ve heard from friends that he’s getting married. I’ve learned from his posts in Facebook about how inlove he is with a girl. I’ve heard a lot but I didn’t want to ask/confront him about that. Not that I’m afraid to hear the truth directly from him, but because why would I ask when we are not even friends? I mean being friends in Facebook doesn’t mean we are friends. I have a better definition of friend than facebook does.
It wasn’t the same feeling that I had when I first saw him. Seeing him today made me realize a lot of things, about him, about myself and about love. I’ve seen in his eyes that he is indeed inlove, not with me. I’ve seen how busy he is with his phone when we are together. You know those signs that he is just not into you. I know better when it comes to those signs. I’ve realized that I have to move on, that it’s over and that life could have been so much better if I was that girl. It was the day I’ve listened closely to my mind and my heart and for the first time, they’re both telling me the same thing, “Game Over”, “SOLD”..”MOVE ON”
It was the second time I’ve met him, same perfect place and a lot of things changed. I wanted to leave all of these memories here and forget about the day I had my heart ripped. I wanted put all these feelings behind me while I’m still at the top of the world. But I cannot, I’ve tried. So today, I’m moving on. I wanted to break free from the feelings that imprisoned me for how many days. I don’t want to think of him, but whenever he crosses my mind, I just tell myself, “sayang”. HAHAHA. I am not hoping anymore, that’s one thing I’m sure about now. I’ll just work on completely deleting all these feelings for him.
We have different ways of moving on. Others get themselves busy, while some engage in another relationship. Others cry a lot of nights until they ran out of tears and reasons why they are still crying, while some get themselves drunk. Others tend to shut out the world temporarily until they’re back stronger and better. I didn’t realize before what my way of moving on was because it was the first time I’ve ever loved a guy this much and the first heartbreak as well..Maybe I was the Cebuana version of Taylor Swift except that I don’t sing and I don’t work on a new album after breaking up with a guy. That was a joke — to all Taylor Swift fans out there, peace! 🙂
So how did I move on with someone I never had? I wrote about him, about our story and how our story ended. It was something like the novels you read or the short story you’ve read somewhere. Others have a happy ending while others don’t. For me, it’s not the end that’s important, it is your experience, what you’ve learned along the way and the happiness even for a short while. For someone like me who has read a lot of stories, ours was just one of those. Soon, you’ll forget but when time comes someone ask you about it you know you can tell or share with so much enthusiasm. You’ll remember the characters and the setting and the great lines..but the feelings aren’t felt anymore, they’re just being told. That’s how I viewed it and moved on with it. Our story or my story with him was just another story, written and forgotten along the way to give way to the new stories that are yet to be written and yet to be told.
Joice to the World 
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